These last few weeks, watching Siobhán grow like a weed and immersing myself completely in the experience of being her mom, I’ve been hit with an unexpected conundrum, baby fever. I feel it wash through me everytime I look at my child, or see one younger than her. I look at her baby pictured wrought with nostalgia. More often than not, I look at my child playing alone and I think, ‘Oh lawd. She gonna grow alone? She nuh deserve that!’
There is just one problem, I don’t WANT another child. At least, not just yet. This is unfamiliar territory, given I’ve always wanted children. In fact, I even planned they would be two years apart, so they could grow up to be friends and all that jazz.
Trouble is, when Siobhán was born I was (am) more than satisfied with my ‘one pop’. The resident parrot keeps our hearts and hands full. I don’t feel as if I would miss out on anything if I don’t have another. None of this is to say I wouldn’t be happy if I fell pregnant a second time, I just know that it is something I prefer to decide on in a few years, rather than anytime soon.
I am enjoying my life, some painfully slooowly returning freedoms, my marriage and my body. More importantly, I want to enjoy my baby (Siobhán). I want her to enjoy us as her parents. Enjoy being the only one and having our attention all to herself as she grows through this crucial time as a young child before another enters the picture,
Additionally, Boobles, is more than happy with just Sio, so I don’t understand this itch under my skin. Further, my ovulation periods are punctuated by a raging sex drive. Now, I have the niggling thought that I wanted kids close in age (did a complete 180 on that when I got pregnant).
I have taken care of business in the family planning department, BUT we all know that no birth control method is 100% safe. (Yes, yes, we all know abstinence is, but I’m a married woman at the height of my reproductive career. I think its safe to say mi naah abstain!) Babies are products of sex, period. Irrespective of how safe you’re being.
I don’t know what kind of games mother nature is trying to play, but I am not here for it. Stay jabbing folks, asking when number two coming. I’ve got six years before I decide I’m definitely not having another. I’m bout to enjoy it!
Hol’ yuh medz my team!
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