Dear Men, Women Like Sex Too

Patriarchy, in all its wisdom and dictation has throughout history projected sex (between partners of opposite sex) as an act to be performed on or to women with little thought to their satisfaction. This lead to the universal understanding that sex was either for procreation or to service the male counterpart’s pleasure and basic need for release. It simply wasn’t a woman’s place to neither like nor enjoy it.

It used as a means to exact punishment, re-enforce ownership, authority and/or a certain amount of power over women, if you will. To fulfil the role, women were expected to bear numerous children and ensure a virgin-tight vagina remains in tact. She must learn to swing poles, ride like a rodeo whether said ornament to be ridden presents enough ’working surface area’ or not. The woman must be a magician, possessing Houdini like skills for pleasure and facial muscles capable of supporting life itself without presenting facial features to accommodate these jaws.

All that while refraining from enjoying the act themselves, and keeping themselves quiet when the man decides that he has had enough use, and goes off hunting other conquests (let’s be honest, some men are only good for disappointment distribution. They aren’t hunting a damn thing!). We never talk about how many men love ‘backaz’ yet can’t reach the front. How many of them can’t locate a clitoris or inspire, let alone coax an orgasm. Often offering nothing but powerhouse sperms fi breed people gal picky on the sole power of disappointment.

Back then, if women dared to seek sex for the sole purpose of pleasure, she would be disgraced and presented to society as a Jezebel, a modern day ‘demon gal’ if you will. Women presented as being ruined if the deigned to have sex before being married off to the most eligible suitor. Such a concept benefitted men. If women entered the lifelong commitment without her knowing what sex can and should be like, the man has escaped the burden of being able to actually perform as the woman is now ‘trapped’.

During that time, many women often found themselves discarded’ by their husbands after producing ‘heirs’ having fulfilled their purpose or a failure to do so. As a means to flex, and enjoy themselves more wildly, men were allowed to ‘take’ many lovers, as women who dared to do the same were more often than not, shunned.

Starfish Syndrome

It was from this structure that stemmed narratives like ‘marriage is where sex lives go to die.‘ Married women were expected to develop starfish syndrome and let him enjoy her body even when she isn’t in the mood or, develop strategically timed headaches. If the sex was really bad, she was expected to let him finish anyway, her own pleasure being an afterthought.

One would want to argue that such things are no longer true, but alas, those that benefit most from a social structure that tell us that a woman’s sole role as sexual partners is to provide nurture, genetic continuity and emotional support hold so tightly to these systems, it’s a wonder they haven’t yet passed out from the sheer lack of circulation.

Tough Luck

However, here in the twenty first century where women have taken our place at the side of the male species rather than two steps behind, we are embattled for equality in all things, including sex. Instead of viewing sex as something to enjoy together, a giving as much as a taking, some men resort to the dregs patriarchy. You can almost always identify them as they can be found saying things like; ‘I still smashed.’ or ‘she is ran-through’, or ‘I expect oral sex but I won’t do it’ in an attempt to disregard a woman’s opinion of their sexual prowess, or in most instances a lack thereof.

Guess What? Women Like Sex Too

I know! Crazy, right?

Imagine that, eh? Women having sex for reasons other than reproduction or seed collection. For the see purpose of pleasure. Imagine that some women enjoy sex more than men. Imagine that women are fully capable of engaging in purely physical sex.

We see it everywhere, especially in music. For decades, men have ran amok rapping, sing and Doing about sex, but women are somehow to be more restricted in their enjoyment of it and the conversation surrounding same.

In fact, just recently, a lot of ‘modern’ men showed crass when WAP ft Cardi B and Meghan Thee Stallion was released. All of sudden, being wet, a feature conducive to enjoyable sex wasn’t something to be talked about. It is acutely ‘too much’. It’s fine to discuss a woman’s tightness, grip and how she should bend over, cock up, skin out and whine to make sex enjoyable for men, but how dare we speak about what makes it enjoyable for women. Suddenly, such women must be harlots, whores, concubines and promoting prostitution; And the only difference that could be spotted? The fact that WOMEN were saying it and not men.

Stop the fuckery. Stop the hypocrisy. Because truthfully, some men deserve to be treated as males in the animal kingdom and not be afforded the right to mate until it has been earned for how tightly they cling to patriarch notions of sex. Ask yourselves, did any woman tell you they enjoyed sex with you, or is it self praise?

Women, kick them off of you if you aren’t enjoying it. Don’t fake orgasms for them to puff their chest and finish, while you go off and have to finish yourself. Don’t accept less.

Xo, Shandean

Let’s Connect!

Shandean Reid

A heavily caffeinated, quintessential millennial wife and mom doing modern family life. I’m a communications professional following a five-year stint as a SAHM, switching roles with hubby, a physician and now WFHD. I also read and write books for fun! Stick around if I'm your kind of person!




  • Jason McPherson

    “She must learn to swing poles, ride like a rodeo whether said ornament to be ridden presents enough ’working surface area’ or not.”

    😂😂😂 Fully agree with all you said.

    • 😹 thanks for reading Jason!

      • Daverine Myers

        I need to read more of your work 😊😊😊. Ladies we are not just here to lay on our backs and bear children. Get up, tie him and choke him if you have to. I thank you. Bye!♥️

      • 😂 Read away! Thanks hun!

  • Alexis Chateau

    I recently had a conversation with a friend who said she had been hearing young men talking about “pumping and dumping” women over 30 because they are past their prime, desperate and have a lot of “mileage.”

    She said the idea was unfair because she hasn’t even dated in years, much less be with a man. So why would they assume that about all women over 30?

    I told her the actual problem was evident in the fact that she felt the need to assert her purity when men never do.

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