Sounds like quite the oxymoron, does it not? Perhaps, but it describes the woman who doesn’t want to be boxed in. (At least in my head that’s what it describes). The woman who doesn’t want to spend her life in the traditional role of being barefoot and pregnant. The woman who doesn’t wanted to be weighted by blind feminism requiring the discarding of anything that includes the role of being a domestic, nurturing woman. The woman who wants to be married, have a career and no children. The woman who wants to be a married stay at home mother. The woman who wants to be a single mother with a career. The woman who wants the career only. Whatever happened to the freedom women have fought so hard for? The freedom to do one or the other, all of it or none at all? Why are women still bring plastered with labels in 2016?
“I am deathly afraid of putting off certain aspects of my life. I understand that the nowadays women are expected to do it all, get married, have children, work extensively ridiculous hours to have a meaningful career. BUT I will not simply have my child an turn him/her over to nannys/grandparents to raise while I chase my career. If you are ambitious, at what point is it okay to take a break to seek the rewards of family life? You can’t when your career has just started because you have something to prove, you can’t a little later because you are up for a promotion, by the time you know it you’re up for another, then u can’t break because you want buy house, further your studies, etc.
For this reason, I think young mothers may be the luckier bunch. I mean, whatever you do it will be rough, but often, if you care for a career and not just a “job” it may be difficult to acquire. It is often said we can’t have it all but, I don’t plan on making that my truth. I am a mix of the traditional and modern woman, so none is more important than the other for me, sorry.”
The above demonstrates feelings I had posted on my Facebook page exactly two years ago less than 6 weeks shy of my twenty-fifth birthday. I feel exactly the same way now. When is the right time to start a family for the woman who wants to do things with her life outside of having a family but wants having a family just as much? I think now. I think never. There will always be one more achievement that can be had first. One more goal that would make life perfect before starting a family. So where does it leave you when you fear having one aspect exactly the way you want it you must sacrifice at least some part of the other. You must get to a place where you are okay to jump in. Get pregnant. Get enrolled in school. Get a career started in the field you want. Go someplace you haven’t been for your next vacation. Chase your all. There will be unexpected bumps and distractions. That is what life’s journey offers as a given. But if you want it, chase it.
In my opinion, you can have it all, whatever “all” means to you. I want to do business. I want to own a few businesses. I want to have a child/children. I want to be emotionally, physically and mentally present for my children. I want to travel with my family. I want to have a graduate degree by the time I am 30. I want to be a mother by the time I am 30. I want to be married before I have children. This is my all.
For some women, all doesn’t include children. For some women, a career isn’t included in their all. For some women, simply travelling is their all. For some women, stability isn’t a part of their all at all. Who is anyone else to perpetuate an idealistic version of what a woman’s all should be?
Food for thought.