Apart, from the obvious things, COVID19 has pretty much redefined life as we know it. Notwithstanding the big things, there are so many every day, mundane activities that you’re not able do or suddenly notice and it’s quite sobering. Not that I make a habit of takin things for granted. I actively try not to. But something can sometimes be so good and you just didn’t realise how much you miss it no that its absent.
My Baby’s Mental Health
Tough situations and sharp changes affect children too. Sure, they are resilient, but it breaks my heart when my child asks to do simple things, like ‘go to breakfast’ (I had started making it thing for us to go out for breakfast on weekends), ‘go to the beach’, ‘to go to school/friends’ and I have to say no. I remind her there is a virus outside and her understanding truly breaks my heart even more. You hear the understanding and disappointment in her voice when she realises she’s not allowed to touch her Dad when he comes home, or when she asks “Daddy, you have to work ‘more’?”. When she says “Ok, Daddy.”, my heart twists.
It’s also made me acutely aware we live in an apartment, rather than a house. There’s not much space for her to play in a yard, so she literally only gets walks to the gate and back, or a few minutes to play outside. In fact, we took her for a car tide on Easter Sunday, and when she realized she wouldn’t be leaving the car seat for a while, she became stressed and cried, asking to go home. Sometimes we forget, but little people, newly aware of the world have to process this too.
Greeting My Husband
Yep. It’s not the same. My love language (the most prominent one anyway) is physical touch. In the eight years my husband and I have been together, we’ve kissed and hugged each time we part ways, and when we come together again. Now, I have to stay away, we have to stay away until he’s cleaned up his things and showered. I have to hold our daughter away and make sure she does not fly into his arms, when she’s used gleefully waiting by the door, so she could run out to him as soon as the car engine is switched off. She would yell “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!”, run over to get hugs and talk his ear off, then promptly hold his hand and lead him over to me, and make hand gestures indicating its our turn to hug and kiss before we head in.
I can’t stand at the doorway and hold his head to my chest anymore as I ask him how his day or his shift was. It sounds simple, but it was a lovely thing that mattered me. I just hadn’t realized how much.
Going Grocery Shopping
The other day, I stood in the mauling Caribbean sun for two hours trying to get into the supermarket to get even more groceries for my family during this uncertain time. I was texting my husband. He was on standby, checking in about every five minutes or chatting through text. I don’t weather heat well, actually not since my pregnancy, and it’s a wonder in itself I didn’t keel over standing around in the heat like that. I wanted to stay as long as I could because the situation is only going to get worse, but I also knew, that I if my body was gojng to give out, it would serve none of us for me to need a trip to the hospital. So, my wonderful husband stayed on standby. Then he said it.
I miss going together.
I felt it to my core. Since living together (since 2013) we go grocery shopping each month together. Every time. It was so serious that before one of us went alone, we would make little trips to tide us over until we could go together. So much so, we didn’t shop on ‘weekends’ alone. We be going shopping Monday morning, Saturday evening, Thursday afternoon, you name it. It was whenever we were both free to go for a few hours. I miss that. I miss him saying he doesn’t know what’s there (at home) and what’s not, or how low we are on something. In his mind, if ever only one of us needed to go, it’s me. In recent years, his duties escalated from just manning the cart to doing that plus pushing, guiding and watching Sio. That’s another thing. She hasn’t been able to come either. This simple family thing we did almost like a ritual, is gone. For now, anyway… I hope.
I don’t like to cook. Neither does my husband, but as the wife and stay at home parent, I get the short end of that stick. But when everything is normal, and I don’t feel like cooking or want to get out of the house, I would casually let Babe know to get food on the way home, or he would come home, and we go out to eat later.
Sobering, this thing. Now, if we don’t feel like cooking, we have to suck it up and go scavenging around the kitchen for something dry. Not very easy when there isn’t a single can of canned food in your cupboard. If you’re wondering why that is, I have food allergies to canned foods, and since I do the cooking 99% of the time, they don’t get bought. Around here, a ‘quick’ dinner is some pre-seasoned chicken and white rice. Not much variety, and although my food sensitivities such when I would want to remember what a good can of sardines, baked beans or some corned beef tastes like, it’s actually even more frustration now, to have to go full chef to get a meal. I’m perusing Pinterest more though, to see what I can maybe churn out so I don’t choke myself to death eating the same thing over and over. I tried chilli dogs the other night. It was a hit.
I miss the salty, wind-filled air against my skin. The white sand I can bury my toes into. We were due a trip. I miss the love and enjoyment that Sio gets from being at the beach, and being allowed to be wild in the sand. I love that she loves the water.
When the place free up, I am heading straight to the beach… well… as soon as I’m comfortable and the crowd run off. Lol.
Anything you guess would have not noticed before but now miss? Let me know.