I’m Pregnant! The Big Fat Positive

I’m the girl who loves babies with relentless passion. For as long as I can remember being a female, I wanted my own. I’m one of those women who believes that a child and a family that I created was at the top of the list if I were to consider myself successful.(Among other things of course). I loved to converse with women who were either experiencing pregnancy or had at some point. It was fascinating and beautiful for me. I watched YouTube videos of live pregnancy tests, pregnancy updates, birth stories and vlogs, raw uncut videos of birth, dived headway into literature and other articles centred on pregnancy. Don’t even get me started on the documentaries, okay? Signs, symptoms, what to do, what not to do… I knew a fair bit for someone who has never actually experienced the process.

So I was as ready as far being told what to expect was going to get me right? Ha!

The first bomb dropped 2 weeks before I got that BFP (Big Fat Positive) at 3 weeks along. Painful, sore, swollen breasts! For all the symptoms I was aware of, it seemed I had the ONE I didn’t know about. So of course, I paid no attention to it. Then came bomb number 2. Unfathomable exhaustion and distraction. That one I explained away with having a new high pressured job. I figured I just needed to settle into the routine. By 4 weeks along, my cycle was a few days “late”. But then, when your cycles ranged randomly between 24 days and 32 days, late is relative. I was wanting nothing to do with the lunch options at work.

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In my head, the cooking was bad and getting progressively worse. My coworkers agreed. As a picky eater myself, I simply had no desire to indulge anymore. But something was different. Little unfamiliar electric shocks in my tummy. I couldn’t fathom what they were. I’d certainly never heard of it, maybe my cycle was about to begin? Maybe gas from the bad food. So, just to be sure and safe, though my cycle had taken much longer to start before, I went to the pharmacy and bought a HCG test. I was even a little mad they had no tests cheaper than over JMD $300 because, after all, it would be a waste and was just for reassurance, right?

And then it happened. The pee touched the paper and it turned pink well before the two lines formed. I mean, was this test even good? Why was the control strip after the test strip anyway? I should wait. But for how long? 5 minutes? Nah. 2? Yes. 2 minutes. Only I didn’t need 2 minutes. After about 60 seconds, both lines were there. Bright, unwavering and undeniably just…. THERE. And I stared. And stared. And stared. My mind blank, the reality elusive. But it was true. Wasn’t it? I’m pregnant? Yes. Me? Duh!

Before I knew what was happening, I’d been in the restroom 20 minutes and my coworkers were knocking, inquiring whether I was alright. I think so. This stick says I’m pregnant. That I have a baby growing inside me. Says my husband and I made a baby. I have to go working now. My mind is blank. Completely blank. No happiness, no sadness. Just….. SHOCK.