To Propose or Not To Propose… To Your Man

For a few years now, every so often a picture emerges on social media of a woman proposing to a man, and the reaction is almost always the same. Women shaming the woman for asking the man she wants to marry her. I for one find the practice so annoying. Leave that woman alone and let her ask for what she wants.

Oh, The Hypocrisy!

I find it exponentially hypocritical of these women shaming the woman who chooses to propose, to say the least. The reason for this is that we preach all day every day for equality, and we want to dismantle patriarchy, achieve gender equality in homes and in the workplace. But as soon as it comes to a proposal, 8/10 revert to the 1920’s dimension where they squeal about how they are now acutely “old-fashioned” and strictly refer to their uncompromising belief in the bible scripture, Proverbs 18:22.

Proverbs 18:22 – He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord.


Now, these same women scorn the idea of waiting for marriage before sex, having children out of wedlock, a woman being a homemaker and the man as a breadwinner, submitting to their man or a myriad of other things they indulge that the bible speaks about. In fact, the same women are those who will spend 5 – 20 years living with a man, taking care of the entire household, having WHOLE children, essentially performing wifely duties and accepting husbandly ones, but refuse to ask the same man if they will marry them. How?

Hebrews 5:23 – For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

1 Thessalonians 4:3 – For this is the will of God, [even] your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:

I am not judging anyone, I am just pointing out the hypocrisy of these women.

Rejection Is A Man’s Job


Is it? I thought that’s what we were working against. ‘Men’s Jobs’ and ‘Women’s’ jobs. Why do we want men to be more in tune with their feelings and then we want them to accept hurt? If a woman is not willing to accept the hurt of a possible rejection, what makes her entitled to expect that a man should endure it for her?

Get It Over With

I firmly believe that a conversation about marriage should be right up there at the beginning of a relationship with those what’s your favourite food, what do you like to do for fun, how many kids you want conversations. It’s not hard ladies. Say “Do you want marriage?” and be upfront about whether it’s something you do or don’t want, and are you willing to compromise on it. Have a conversation.


All this to say is, if there are two married couples, and the man asked in Couple A and the woman asked in Couple B, Couple A is no more married than Couple B. What matters is the foundation of the relationship, to begin with. I am one of those women who didn’t have a proposal at all. But we talked about it and deciphered a timeline. When the time came it was a post-sex “Are we engaged now?” (He doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body, but later for that). Six months later we were married.

Again, I’m definitely not judging anyone and their choices, I am just saying, it’s heartbreaking and aggravating to see all these Women Judges trying to make a woman feel less than for asking a man if he wants to marry her. Truly, they need to sit down, right over there in the ‘I’d rather be alone.’ or ‘Waste years waiting.’ section. Girl, ain’t nobody missing you. Leave those women alone.





  • Colette Strauss

    I could not agree with you any more on this topic. It’s also time for men who also preach equality to stop acting as if a woman is removing his manhood if she asked him to marry her.

    • Shandean™

      True, true. Thanks for stopping by. ☺

  • Kris Ti

    Could not have expressed this any better

  • AMR

    Good Read .

  • College Mate

    Feminism is about choice, but a lot of women only seem to respect choices that mirror their own. That’s not feminism. That’s trying to control other women, just as the patriarchy continues to try (and often succeeds!) to control us.

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