If motherhood has taught me nothing else, it is the true meaning of the phrase “beautiful mess” and the preciousness in appreciating every day and not letting life pass you by. This whirlwind of a journey has been indescribable from the start, but more importantly, I now understand the true preciousness of time and living in the moment. Every day I’m one picture away from tears. Disbelief that my tiny 5 lbs 6 oz baby that I walked out of the hospital with is now a toddler, half my size and with preferences and such. A hyperactive, smart, beautiful toddler girl with all the trappings of a colourful personality to match. Where has the time gone?? I finally understand how mothers before me have bemoaned the swift passing of 18 years. For me, I seem to be unable to believe it, even though I have been with her for every single day of it.
Now that I am here, I can say with certainty that no woman is prepared for motherhood. We may be prepared for the trappings of it, but the experience itself as a first-time mother is not something I imagine can be conveyed. The first thing I was unprepared for was the love. The joy and sunshine this tiny human brings me with her presence are unfathomable.
Watching her learn and discover, be nosy and miserable, refusing from day one to eat carrots, to outright calling me mommy after making me wait when she’s been busy saying the most outlandish things. Her latest revelation has been that without warning, she absolutely refuses to have anything more to do with nipple bottles. It’s sippy cups or nothing at all. (By the by, spill-proof sippy cups are fire!) She’s done and will scream if she sees me attempting to make anything in it or just look at us with the bottle before turning away and leaving us with it. (Fada, help I!) I want her to start saying no more instead of crying as a means to say no, but I fear I might want to take that back when she starts.
Until recently, she’d teethed very mildly and was at 6 teeth for quite a while. Then around two weeks ago, the hail mary started. Fever, drooling, refusing to eat, constantly screaming (my quiet, quiet child), constantly needing the comfort of someone’s arms, hollering in pain from swollen, bleeding gums, not sleeping, sleeping on my head (in real life, folks). I am truly sure that if the break hadn’t come when it had, I would’ve been writing this post from Ward 21 at UWHI. I’ve always heard teething periods were rough, but I had zero ideas how bad it could be. She seems to be past the worst for now (KNOCK ON WOOD) and has been slowly morphing back into my lovable little Sio.
I am tired! So unbelievably TIRED! I don’t know how it’s possible to love this so much and be so TIRED! I can’t take a crap in peace anymore, I can’t eat in peace anymore, I can’t just sit and watch the TV, I can’t just work without interruption. Miss Sio is there to ‘help’ me every step of the way and try out everything we do. The kicker is, if I get a few minutes to myself, it’s not long before I go searching for her. It’s almost as though I can’t do without the madness anymore.
My living room stays a hot mess, littered with toys and shoes, she wears anything she sees even if it wasn’t meant for wearing, and is there typing away on my phone the very second I happen to not be looking! (She once sent a picture of my lady bits in my underwear changing her diaper to a friend! )*bawls*To think of whom could have received that picture instead! Sigh!
In any case, by now my contact know when Sio is online and giving them a hail.
I’M NOT READY
The truth is, I’m not ready for how fast she is growing up! It’s bowling me over. With all the struggles mothers face you would think the nice bits would last a bit longer. But her smile and joy make it all the more precious. She is such a happy, vibrant child. I thank God, the universe and my husband for her.
If you have any tips on how to come to terms with this, I would appreciate it.
Flustered Mom, Xo Shan