My Greatest Fear is a Life Un-lived.
Who told you you’re going to get 50, 70 or 90 years of life? If you knew you would die at 40, would you approach your life the same way? If you knew you have a disability at 30 or 40 years old, what would you do differently? You see, it’s my belief that far too many of us approach life like it is a destination rather than a journey.
I know we’re in the era of ‘Grind, grind, grind, live. then die.‘, but I have never really bought into the idea. As a child growing up, I constantly felt like I was waiting. If we’re being transparent here, I still feel that way. Doing what I was supposed to do, knowing there was more to life and wanting to experience it, but feeling like the goal post was perpetually being moved. Ambition will do that. Goals and dreams just out of reach, and by the time you grasp your finger around it, you are so busy looking at the next goal post, you never really savor it.
So, I made the conscious decision early on to just to live. I’m not quite on the YOLO train, but to just… live. My sequence looks more like ‘Grind, live, grind, live, grind, live. then die.‘ That may be my plan, but I am also very aware that dying can end up anywhere in that mix, but I would feel better having lived some life, because try as we might, we can’t plan the whole shebang.
To me, constantly working your youth away sounds like, passing through a season in your life in a haze trying to achieve financial stability (something not promised and without a time limit), or something else that is tangible so that you can live your best life at an age not promised to you. I’m not saying it’s not okay if you want to do that, I just think that the idea that such a method should be one everyone aspires to is… pardon my French, a crock of shit. We can miss so much being tunnel sighted.
When I planned my life, I was going to go to college and get a degree in three years. Then, I was going to migrate, work for two years and have a child in two years. You see, in my plan, baby number one was supposed to come along at about 23 or 24 years old. There wasn’t even a specific plan for a husband in there. He (the potential husband) could be there or not. I was going to be a career driven, independent woman.
But life, had other ideas. For example, I wasn’t able to go straight to college after high school. I sat out a year. Then, that degree that I was supposed to do in three years, took me five instead. My marriage certificate is older than my degree. Can you imagine? I went to college and got a whole husband before I graduated. That, baby that I wanted at 23 or 24, didn’t come until late twenties. And even though I had a career plan, I’d be lying if I said they were being my own boss and having a business.
I try to go on vacation often enough to enjoy the hard work. To enjoy the immaterial things that make life worth living, like family. Like watching my daughter grow, and simply be whatever age she is. To reflect and be grateful that not so long ago, I was a starving student, but now I’m not. The bad things I thought wouldn’t go away, did. Things I prayed and worked to change actually changing.
The point is that life is a journey, and even the most carefully laid plans can be disrupted. Not always in bad ways, but sometimes, by living, these plans change, or are amended. Maybe it’s just the method, or new experiences that influence ambitions.
It’s okay to make a journey out of it. It’s okay to appreciate and admire the green hills and valleys on the country bus to success, and, it’s okay to stop at the scenic spots on the way there. Stop and breathe, and structure in having a life, while making a life for yourself.
Xo, Shandean
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13 COMMENTS
Just Lexi Simple
3 years agoAmen to that, thanks for sharing!
Shandean
3 years agoYou’re welcome, Lexi! Thanks for stopping by.
Ornella Rodney
3 years agoI love this! For the past few years I’ve been subscribing to the “grind, live, grind, live pattern”. The fact is, as you’ve mentioned, life is unpredictable… and short. Grinding ‘til death isn’t a life worth living. Unfortunately, many of us won’t realize this until something extreme happens.
Shandean
3 years agoThat’s so true. Most people need a nudge. Thanks for stopping by.
Epicjamaica
3 years agoThanks for writing this. About four years ago I decided to focus on experiences for the same reasons you outlined. I travel more, take more risks and I’m much happier. Too many people waiting for the wealth until they don’t have the health to live their lives.
Shandean
3 years agoThis is what I’m afraid of. You make all the money and then don’t have the opportunity to enjoy it later. Thanks for stopping by!
ambrosiaomg
3 years agoThere’s an 87 year old I’d love to have shared this with 20 or 30 years ago. Some very important points were made and I wish more persons would simply focus on self improvement and enjoying the every day. Awesome post
Shandean
3 years agoThanks and thanks for stopping by!
Nella
3 years agoHonestly, this is an excellent post. It basically tells my current frame of mind. Sans the family thing I’m still working on that. It took this pandemic for me to realize just how much pressure I was putting on myself and my life. The expectations not coming through when I want to. I was so anxious and just not enjoying things. It’s when I decided to just let things go and let life flow that I really started to just feel relaxed and I’ve never been happier. Thanks again for this.
goodyonabudget
3 years agoi feel the same way! just live!
Shandean
3 years agoAbsolutely! Thanks for stopping by!
Jason McPherson
3 years agoVery good post. They say “youth is wasted on the young” and I couldn’t agree more. We are so caught up at times with being successful that we overlook the importance of enjoying our lives while we have it.
Shandean
3 years agoI’ver never heard that phrase but it definitely fits. Thanks for reading!