By now, I’ve been awake for a few hours. Yesterday was Mother’s Day and if we’re being honest, I spent it in bed. All of it. Right there is where my husband brought me coffee, showed me my gift and later brought me dinner. I roamed Netflix, social media every now and again and barely dredged up enough energy to respond to all the mother day wishes and make wishes of my own. Just barely.
I had no inclination to get up and roam my small apartment doing much of nothing. The weight of the pandemic fell heavy on me this past week, and through it all, I’m just keeping my head above water. I tried unsuccessfully to take a nap and quiet my mind. It didn’t work. That is the realness of what Mother’s Day was for me.
Today though, is Monday and staying in bed is not an option. Hubby has gone off to work, my toddler has been up since 7am demanding Mommy and me time and Momma has deadlines on projects to meet, clients to conference with, laundry and cleaning to do. Today, I wonder if I should give her lessons, or let her play outside, or wash her hair or simply leave her be. Today, I make the shopping list for my trip tomorrow, because my cupboards and freezer are dry and I do not want to go, but my husband insists as it is the only opportunity I have to escape the walls and fences of home. Today, I have no choice but to be an adult. To ‘Mom It’.
Hubby hugs Sio as he is about to leave.— Welcome to The ‘Rona Games… (@Shandean_) May 11, 2020
Sio chases him calling “Daddy, Daddy! Wait a minute! You didn’t kiss me. Give me a kiss.” 😭
Man, I love this kid!
Today, my heart aches and blooms with love for the simplest tasks completed by Sio or the affection she showers me and her Dad with. Today, I revel in proudness and melancholy of her awareness and understanding as I continue the conversation for the millionth time that the virus is still outside and she can’t go to school, and gently let her know she can’t go tomorrow either.
Today, I remember that my need to take care of her overrides my need to take care of myself. Today, I remember that as young as she is, she is feeling this too. Today, I remember she needs me to eat, to make bathroom trips, to talk to, to play with, to interact with; and that I have to do better, and be better, for her. Today, there are no roses. No frills of celebrations. No sappy wishes and posts. Today, she pulls me up. Today, I draw energy from the joy that I am hers and she is mine. Today, I think she is the best darn thing since Jesus himself walked the earth. Today is just today.
And today, ladies and gentlemen…
… Today is Mother’s Day